Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine!

Shounen-ai as always.

The Prince is watching us again. It is painfully obvious and more than a little annoying. I do not know what he expects from us. Arslan is no voyeur but still he watches so I suppose he is no more human than the rest of us. He’s curious, that’s all. Doubtless wondering what the next step in our intricate dance will be. What Narsus will do and what reaction it will provoke from me. It’s understandable then, this incessant observation. Watching, waiting, hoping that perhaps your two dear advisors will find their ‘happy ending’? Is that what you’re waiting for, your Highness?

Narsus is talking, elaborating on some earlier point that he has already made. I listen halfheartedly knowing full well that Narsus doesn’t actually care if I listen or not. It’s never bothered him weather or not we poor soldiers understand what he’s talking about, as long as we do as we’re told. It’s not that he doesn’t care about anyone else, only that he cares about power more. And now I’ve made it sound like he’s heartless. That isn’t the case, it never has been. He was never that cold, though he often wishes to be. But I know why he is so desperate to control everything around him, why he will do almost anything for the sake of power; it all very simple really, almost child-like in a way. Even though it’s not a rational belief, somehow Narsus does truly believe that if he were to succeed in this, to perfect this control over everything then he could prevent all the pain, the hurt that he has suffered. That he could protect not himself but those that he cares about and worse still it hasn’t occurred to him that perhaps we might wish to protect him. He thinks that he must be the strong one, alone.

I know much of what has happened in his life. I have been told in little instances, the dry comments he makes, the cutting observations, all these things do not escape me. And I have been told, at times when it has become almost unbearable; he has allowed me a small glimpse of his soul. We have shared our secrets, our deepest fears, our hopes, vivid discussions of Narsus’ many and varied sexual kinks… There are things that he can do with a length of rope that I will never speak of even under duress… But back to my original point, we know each other like no one else ever will. I can not imagine my life without him. I’m quite sure that I can begin to feel myself going crazy when he is not by my side and I suspect that this is what the Prince sees. Arslan may be young and a little obvious in his observation but he is not and never was a fool. Arslan sees how we need each other, how I can barely function without Narsus’ support but… Despite all appearances there is always more to the situation than that which can be seen.

I love Narsus. He is the kindest, wisest, most beautiful individual that I have ever known. I would defend him from all harm, face all odds with him by my side. I will not argue the semantics of loving him or being ‘in love’ with him. I have no trouble with telling him that I love him and I’ve had my hands on his behind enough times but that’s another matter entirely… I’ve never kissed another man, strange but true, and yet the compulsion to kiss him is sometimes overwhelming. I haven’t… yet… Though I’m definitely not adverse to the idea. I think I may have, no, I did actually suggest it not so long ago. Not kissing him necessarily, though that’s what I meant, but rather the fact that perhaps one day I’d like to find out what it was like to kiss another man. He agreed that it would most likely be ‘interesting’. Narsus will easily admit to being prepared to try anything at least once.

Suddenly I realize that they are looking at me: the Prince and his strategist. I’ve lost track of this conversation, if it was ever more than Narsus talking in the first place.

"You’ve no objections then." Narsus says, rescuing me from my inability to answer.

I nod, while Arslan looks on knowingly.

"Good. Highness, there are some further issues I would like to discuss with the General…" Narsus trails off as he places a hand on my arm to lead me away from the Prince’s indulgent smile.

Outside and discreetly out of sight, Narsus looks me over critically.

"I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening." I confess.

He shrugs, then smiles wickedly "Neither was I."

"You were doing the talking." I point out.

"Doesn’t mean that I was actually paying attention though."

I’m not going to take this conversation any further since I already know from experience that Narsus is perfectly capable of making entertaining conversation while he’s thinking about something entirely different; so am I actually, just not today.

We walk further along one of the pathways that twists round the ornamental gardens and ponds in silence. I enjoy the cool breeze and the scent of the myriad of flowers. It’s so very peaceful out here, the very cliché of the calm at the heart of the storm. Narsus flaps his hand a bit muttering something about the smell, which probably isn’t very complimentary to the gardeners who have cultivated these fragrant blossoms. Then he slips his arm through mine and sighs. "I suppose I can put up with the plants if you want me to." I hide my smile. We both know that Narsus doesn’t hate flowers as much as he pretends that he does but then he’s full of contradictions. We have that in common.

"We could go back inside if you like." I point out.

"But surely that would disappoint our audience." His glance flickers towards an upper window.

Of course we are being watched; we nearly always are so I suppose I ought to do something about it. Narsus isn’t surprised when I pull him into my arms.

"Do I start trying to undress you here or do I wait for you to beg me to take you to bed?" I whisper.

He giggles in response "I’ve got a better idea." And the next thing I’m aware of is that he’s slapped me, very lightly and theatrically but it’s a slap none the less.

"I can’t believe that you want me to- You pervert!" he pitches his voice so that it carries and then turns and makes a run for the palace, leaving me speechless. I don’t need to turn round to see our transfixed audience or to wonder if they heard. This is Narsus at his theatrical best, of course they heard and it’s most likely that the rest of the palace will have heard by the end of the day. While I’m more than slightly mortified there’s also a touch of admiration there too, since if we’re lucky this will put the Prince off watching us for a while.

The walk to Narsus’ chambers isn’t hampered by curious gazes as word hasn’t yet spread about the latest episode in the gardens. I still don’t know what I’m going to do to him when I get there; congratulate him on his acting or strangle him because of what he said! And then I’m stepping through the outer chamber to find Narsus lying on his bed, laughing. It’s almost too easy as I casually stroll over and perch myself on the edge of the bed, smiling down at him indulgently before I get a firm grasp on his wrists pushing them above his head and use the weight of my body to pin him down.

"Daryoon!" he gasps out.

I grin lazily in return.

"Let me go."

I shake my head.

"Let me go now!" he tries to push me off but as we both know, I’m stronger.

"No." I draw the word out, enjoying his furious gaze. Then something changes, I don’t know what exactly but now his look is soft and he’s staring up at me expectantly, lips slightly parted. I freeze, all confidence gone and I’m horribly aware that I don’t know what to do, or even what it is that I want to do. We stare at each other, then he smiles a little nervously. I smile back, moving to let him up.

We end up sitting next to each other on his bed, wondering about what just happened and what didn’t.

"Narsus…" I begin hesitantly.

He responds by resting his head against my shoulder. "Sorry." He murmurs.

"Oh?"

"I just thought it was funny."

"Huh? Narsus what are you talking about?"

"Calling you a pervert."

"Oh, that. I was wondering why…"

"That Commander was up there, the one who tried to tell me that you were boring and I’d be better off with someone like him."

"That one. He is a bit odd." I concede

"So I figured that… well…" He trails off, nervously.

"If you made out that I was making many and varied sexual demands he’d quit calling me boring?"

A silent nod is the reply. I lightly kiss the top of Narsus’ head. "Won’t he be offering to rescue you from the pervert now?" I tease.

"Nope."

I give him a skeptical look.

"Not once he finds out that I like being dominated and I need a ‘real’ man to do that." Narsus grins suggestively.

"So much for discretion." I mutter and am rewarded with another gentle smile.

We sit together in companionable silence and I wonder about today: about what happened earlier and what didn’t. I think I’ve changed my opinion on wanting to kiss another man, I don’t think I’m too interested in that any more. What I am sure of now is that one day, once I’ve worked up the courage, I’d like to do very much more than kiss Narsus. As he’s so often said: I’m sure it will be interesting.

I’m in bed feeling a little unwell, eating chocolate… so sue me!

25/11/02, 23:03.